If that includes being thoughtful, helpful and generally nice, so much the better. If it doesn’t, maybe working on yourself for a while first might be the answer.
I am extremely outspoken. I found it’s not a good idea to pretend that I’m not, because it’s going to come out. This can make you friends and enemies. There are those who appreciate someone who has well-thought-out opinions, and there are those who decide that it’s arrogance.
I’ve always had a simple rule that I will not buy alcohol for a woman. Dating sites are filled with women who would like you to take them out drinking. When it’s clearly stated that you don’t use the stuff and don’t buy it for others, that only eliminates those who are not compatible, and at the same time sends a very positive message to like-minded women.
If you have committed yourself to treating others well and giving more than you take, your presence will be seen as a positive by others if they are someone you want to be around.
Do things you love and do them well, and you will find yourself around people who you will enjoy being with and who appreciate you
I don’t think my story is really something to for anyone copy. I met my wife while thru-hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, not exactly a place one would think to meet women (it seemed about 10% of the hikers were women in my year). If you like outdoorsy, tan, sveldt guys though, it’s the place to be!
But I think the underlying principle of doing something you love, doing it well, and helping others enjoy doing it too, will make you the most attractive version of yourself
I have zero “game.” I am very shy by nature and was terrified of girls growing up. I read “Our Bodies Ourselves” way too young (10) https://datingreviewer.net/nl/daten-met-artiesten/, and this blew my mind. They could find their “goddess” by sitting down on a mirror and looking for it. Women were ineffably beautiful beings beyond my comprehension. I also think I rightly questioned what I, an adolescent boy, had to offer beyond a whole lot of pent up angst and energy.
It was amazing how things changed when I started doing something that felt like self-realization as a backcountry ranger/trailworker/restorationist. I was around women and people in general who I deeply respected, found beautiful in an aesthetic as well as Kantian sense, and who brought the best out of each other. This just naturally led to more intimate relationships between everyone, platonic and otherwise. Also, while it’s a B movie, The Tao of Steve did have a disturbingly accurate distillation of how to be more attractive: Be excellent, be desireless, and be gone. It worked for me, I don’t think my wife would have gotten so hooked on the Ben stuff if I hadn’t gotten about a hundred miles ahead shortly after we first met. It also helps to always be able to walk faster than her, so she can’t get away:)
A point regarding being helpful/friendly and more importantly being sincere: I’ve heard guys complain about being “friend zoned”, and complaining about not getting to bed with someone they spent a lot of effort “being a gentleman to”. If your real intent is dating a woman, many will see through it and discount it as a front. I would also argue that nobody gets friend zoned, instead these people “girlfriend zone” or “boyfriend zone” people they are attracted to, and try to read more into a friendship than is actually there.
